i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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