o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
