I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
