I heard we made out
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
