great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
