Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
