I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
