did you get engaged???
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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