Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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