Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
