Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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