you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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