went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize