Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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