I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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