So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
