It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we should paint friendship bongs
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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