Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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