found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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