I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
