I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize