once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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