I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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