member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
