i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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