i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
