I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
