Cold hands, warm shart.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.