I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
