Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.

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(843): I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's. http://tfl.nu/1kcz

Replies (21) Good night (848) Bad night (1359)
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(352): View more from Florida

So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.

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(352): So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated. http://tfl.nu/ef34

Replies (12) Good night (2983) Bad night (545)
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(816): View more from Missouri

normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

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(816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z

Replies (86) Good night (1458) Bad night (23372)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

omg every time its on

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(203): have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj (1-203): omg every time its on http://tfl.nu/6fsg

Replies (25) Good night (3039) Bad night (1042)
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(214): View more from Texas

I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

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(214): I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him? http://tfl.nu/482n

Replies (88) Good night (969) Bad night (9940)
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(360): View more from Washington

Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.

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(360): Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time. http://tfl.nu/zvvg

Replies (7) Good night (3243) Bad night (975)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.

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(303): I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all. http://tfl.nu/c3dm

Replies (16) Good night (5983) Bad night (885)
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(585): View more from New York

Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.

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(585): Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary. http://tfl.nu/sahm

Replies (8) Good night (1848) Bad night (925)
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(315): View more from New York

i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV

(802): View more from Vermont

you're the only one i would trust to do that

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(315): i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV (802): you're the only one i would trust to do that http://tfl.nu/yrsp

Replies (8) Good night (2519) Bad night (790)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...

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(308): is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night... http://tfl.nu/up0o

Replies (6) Good night (763) Bad night (1752)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.

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(260): Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed. http://tfl.nu/ajvn

Replies (5) Good night (2238) Bad night (670)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.

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(202): Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat. http://tfl.nu/b8sz

Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (1585)
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(831): View more from California

Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline

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(831): Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline http://tfl.nu/8i35

Replies (9) Good night (454) Bad night (1075)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.

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(678): I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment. http://tfl.nu/mk4n

Replies (5) Good night (308) Bad night (940)
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(067): View more from

I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you

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(067): I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you http://tfl.nu/7n00

Replies (2) Good night (329) Bad night (412)

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