im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.