I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
one might say we're banned from that church
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
