Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
