So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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