sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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