At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
