this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
