Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
