Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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