I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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