wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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