youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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