Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
