Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
