His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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