I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Less talking, more tequila
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
