yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
