Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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