shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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