My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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