I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
