No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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