I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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