So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
