I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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