dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A+ Viking dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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