If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so let's talk penis.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
