i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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