I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The Olympian is in my bed
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
