How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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