i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
