Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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