I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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