respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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