she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
