I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
