but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
