We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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