You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
