She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's rum buckets o'clock
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
