What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
