i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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