I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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