I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize