There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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