Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
