after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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