I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
