I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
