i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize