I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
