I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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